Other Duties As Required

Tortoise and the Hare: Millenium Edition

An Ice Cream Truck Less Ordinary

All That and a Bag of Chips

The Boy Who Cried Liberal


The Emperor's Carrot

The Princess and the Pea-Coloured Mattress

Fred the Tree

If You Act Now...


Once upon a time there was a little boy named Steve who came to the Village On The Hill from the City of Cowvry, and being a lazy little boy he didn't like the chore of cleaning up the left over mud-gold after the merchants had gorged.

And after a while he realized that he wasn't the only little boy in the village who didn't like this chore. But the other boys said they couldn't stop because every once in a while a little old wizard came out into the field and if there was mud-gold laying about the old meanie would hide it and then tell the villagers, which got all the boys in trouble for being lazy.

And being a particularly lazy little boy it occurred to him that if the villagers didn't trust the old wizard they wouldn't let him in town and wouldn't know the mud-gold hadn't been cleaned up.

So one day when the old wizard showed up the little boy rose and quickly ran to the village while crying out, "Threat to the Economy! Threat to the Economy! A Liberal is here who will destroy our economy!"

The villagers came running toward the field to help the boy drive the threat away. But when they arrived at the edge of the field, all they found was the little boy and a Liberal that mumbled about how lazy the little boy was, something most of the villagers knew anyway.

"Don't cry 'Threat', boy!" said the villagers, "Particularly when there's only a Liberal!"

"But," cried the little boy knowing he needed to discredit the old man, "he wants to steal your mud-gold and raise your taxes, and force your companies to let you go so then you'll be poor!"

But the townfolk looked at the Liberal and heard his mumbling about the rotting stentch of the mud-gold in the field, and saw that his shoelaces were undone and said to the little boy, "Son, the Liberals saved our economy so this one is no threat to us! Stop lying to us when there is no threat." And they grumbled as they went back into town.

Later, when the old wizard appeared again on the horizon, the boy cried out again, "Threat to the Economy! Threat to the Economy! The Liberal has returned to steal your mud-gold, tax your children's children so all of you will die penniless, and rape your hampsters!"

To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers rush into the field with pitchforks and knives to help him drive the threat away.

When the villagers saw no threat they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'Threat to the Economy' when there is only a Liberal!"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling into town once more.

Later, a New Democrat came prowling about and seeing that the townfolk were ignoring the boy now he swooped in, took control and began to nationalize the economy. Alarmed, the littel boy leaped to his feet and cried out as loudly as he could, "New Democrat! New Democrat!"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the little boy hadn't returned to the village with their mud-gold. They went out into the field to find the boy and they found him weeping.

"There really was a threat here!   The economy is ruined!   I cried out, 'New Democrat!'   Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.   "We're sending you back to Cowvry, boy. Hopefully the very people you tried to destroy can help us make new jobs to replace the ones you lost."

Then, leaning down and putting his arm around the youth, the old man said, "And remember son: If you waste everyone's time screaming lies like an idiot; you'll miss the bigger threat to the economy!"