RadioTMI - October 21, 2014

Let's dispell the notion that submissives are weak women. They're not. While there are women who allow themselves to be abused because they don't have the confidence or strength to leave, those are not submissives in the truest sense of the word.

A true submissive is on a mission to explore her own boundaries. Like someone trying to withstand tickling, heat, or intense cold she's someone who has taken the path to learning to control herself. She doesn't do this on her own.

Her Dominant has immense responsibilities and very little reward for it. They must be aware of the level of tolerance their submissive has and that when they push her they are not pushing too far. Unlike an abusive relationship they must ensure that no permanent harm will come from the actions.

Moreover, the Dominant has all the responsibility. They must be the creative side of things, the patient one, they must prepare, work to engage and keep interested their submissive, because routine is not the nature of this type of sex.

Unless the Dominant is a psychopath who thrives on the control, and they'll be a very boring and short lived Dominant if they are, their job is to take the submissive in their care up a long ladder of steps, each designed to stimulate and elevate her experience, bringing her repeatedly close to the pinnacle and then, either bring her repeatedly over that, or repeatedly withhold final release.

Imagine someone stimulating just your pleasure centers. You will in most cases build, then crest, rest then maybe repeat. That's vanilla sex.

Then imagine someone stimulating your pleasure centers, but each time you approach release they pull back, not with the intention of full on denial, but because each peak adds to water behind the dam, pressure behind the wall, so that once you are brought through it the amount of energy, dopamine, endorphins and hormones that flood from you are greater than they would normally be.

Now imagine someone doing all that, but using mild corporal punishments as a distraction, ebbing and flowing, back and forth between intense pleasure and the slap, poke or prod. Something uncomfortable striking, stinging, pulling you back, not from the brink, but sharply over to another peak. Imagine this happening in conjunction with the pleasure, not as rest, as a jolt, a shock, a reset. With sensations that are equally intense, equally real.

Over time, and surprisingly not much of it under the right hands, your body begins to produce endorphins and dopamine for the pain.

It's Pavlovian really. Just as Pavlov proved anticipation of a reward can trigger the same biological responses as the reward, in the most famous example by ringing a bell before feeding a dog a treat, so too we see that the connection between the slap and the tickle can result is anyone salivating if the two are repeatedly combined.

But here's the thing. Imagine you love spicy food, and sweet food. Now imagine taking a bite of something deliciously sweet, such as pineapple, and then just before you swallow, taking a bite of something wonderfully spicy, like a jalapeņo. The heat burns your mouth more because the juices from the pineapple opened up taste buds that normally close for spicy stuff.

Same too with nerve endings. The pain opens up nerves that normally shut down for pleasure, awakening greater sensations of pleasure, and visa versa. And each layer, each session builds in intensity. And lets face it, most people can't handle intensity.

But the strongest want to. The willpower it takes to remain still, pushing past one's tolerance, even just a bit, is strength. And where most would run, avoid, recoil from it, the submissive seeks to command it. And with it, the person metting it to her.

And because she always has a safeword that could end it at any moment, while the control might be his, the power is always hers. To use, or withhold, at her will.

There's a reason that some women drawn to this are cutters, people who routinely break their skin with razors and sit there as pricks of blood pool up. It's because those people feel a distracting intensity all the time and seek the knife as a way to divert and control those sensations. Allowing someone else to divert your attention through a building mix of pain and pleasure, if done regularly enough, is very calming.

This is why many of the women who submit also sport a variety of tattoos. The premise is comparable since if you willing seek out someone to prick your skin with a needle and carve art on your body while you lie there, you're really not that far from being spanked to orgasm, or bound and fingered, or flogged, are you?

And there are others who, experiencing various bouts of regular pain, find control of it being gained through the sexualizing of it. At the very least these submissives find release. Don't believe me? Next time a mosquito bites you, lick the spot and then slap it a few times with your open hand. The itch recedes, the sting of the slap doesn't last as long and you've stimulated the blood flow to the area for faster healing.

But this is nothing new. During the Victoria era London Doctors would routinely attend their female patients with a hand massage unit to their privates as regular treatment of female hysteria. Despite its obvious ethical concerns the concept is sound. Orgasms for many are a reset button on their emotions and sensations.

It still comes down to the fact that one person has to give themselves, has to withhold their basic nature to stop or run, has to control their fight or flight instinct, and has to trust another to lead them on a repeating path of discovery. Not just for the most intense orgasms they'll ever have, but over their own mind and body.

And nothing is more intimate or sexual than exposing your mind to someone, particularly when it ends with an earth shattering orgasm.